As a foreigner you sometimes end up in strange situations worth a good laugh.
The Spa
Ultimately the best way to embarras yourself is to visit a spa abroad. You'd think that Scandinavians and people from the Baltics are as pro spa and sauna goers as it gets. Guess again! Even though us, the nordic folks, do enjoy to sit bare naked in a steaming hot room with our friends and families all gathered around (while hitting ourselves with a bunch of twigs!), we do tend to cover ourselves on all other times. A quick glanse into a German spa will make even a Finn blush (ask Tony). One of his 30-something birthdays was celebrated in a beautiful town of Wiesbaden and one of the preplanned activites was a relaxing visit to a local spa. Little did we know that in Germany most people, men and women mixed, tend to bathe naked at a spa. Naked in the pools, naked in the sauna, naturally also naked in the hallways and the relaxation rooms. Towels are not worn either. Anywhere.
However, it does get worse. Luckily we didn't take our newly learnt German/Dutch bathing habits to a spa in Taiwan, where not only do you cover yourself in a 50's style bathing overall and wear a hat (preferably matching the rest of your outfit), you also change into your bathing outfit in a shower cabin or toilet. This would have been nice to know before I was standing there, bare naked, getting into my bikini while watching Asian ladies peeking into the dressing room, then getting all red and embarrassed, covering their eyes from seeing my naked butt and running to a shower cabin as fast as they could. After this happened for a couple of times, I realized I got something wrong here. Explains why I was the only person in the dressing room. Naked.
Other good places to embarras yourself (or feel embarrassed for co-bathers) are spa's in Netherlands and hamams in Turkey.
The trolley bus
It was a horribly cold and windy afternoon in Tallinn when we were planning to go shopping. Having lost sight of the last available taxi, Tony spotted a trolley bus approaching. We ran as fast as we could and hopped on. Before we even got thinking about buying a ticket, the trolley driver pushes the break pedal in between two stops and the controllers step in. We had two options; either just walk up to the driver and buy a ticket or panic and pretend to be confused foreigners. Kris chose the latter options, not because we didn't want to pay, that was definitely our intention but out of pure panic. Instead of explaining the controllers in clear Estonian that we had just stepped in and were about to buy the ticket, I asked them in English; " What's going on!? I don't understand! " Tony gave a dirty look - wtf? However, he played along, you just cannot save your wife from every embarrassing moment, can you? Well, we were escorted into their vehicle to discuss it further but by that time we were already in a deep web of foreign deception. We probably would have gotten away with this but our facial expressions to the discussion between the controllers gave us away as Kris did follow their conversation the whole time.
This was our movie moment. You know the moment when things go so embarrassingly wrong that even you, as a viewer, feel embarrassed?
It ended in a fine of 30 euro's and almost got us another one of those because Kris did object loudly - in fluent Estonian.
The fish and the bowl
The Spa
Ultimately the best way to embarras yourself is to visit a spa abroad. You'd think that Scandinavians and people from the Baltics are as pro spa and sauna goers as it gets. Guess again! Even though us, the nordic folks, do enjoy to sit bare naked in a steaming hot room with our friends and families all gathered around (while hitting ourselves with a bunch of twigs!), we do tend to cover ourselves on all other times. A quick glanse into a German spa will make even a Finn blush (ask Tony). One of his 30-something birthdays was celebrated in a beautiful town of Wiesbaden and one of the preplanned activites was a relaxing visit to a local spa. Little did we know that in Germany most people, men and women mixed, tend to bathe naked at a spa. Naked in the pools, naked in the sauna, naturally also naked in the hallways and the relaxation rooms. Towels are not worn either. Anywhere.
However, it does get worse. Luckily we didn't take our newly learnt German/Dutch bathing habits to a spa in Taiwan, where not only do you cover yourself in a 50's style bathing overall and wear a hat (preferably matching the rest of your outfit), you also change into your bathing outfit in a shower cabin or toilet. This would have been nice to know before I was standing there, bare naked, getting into my bikini while watching Asian ladies peeking into the dressing room, then getting all red and embarrassed, covering their eyes from seeing my naked butt and running to a shower cabin as fast as they could. After this happened for a couple of times, I realized I got something wrong here. Explains why I was the only person in the dressing room. Naked.
Squeaky clean in Turkey
Other good places to embarras yourself (or feel embarrassed for co-bathers) are spa's in Netherlands and hamams in Turkey.
The trolley bus
It was a horribly cold and windy afternoon in Tallinn when we were planning to go shopping. Having lost sight of the last available taxi, Tony spotted a trolley bus approaching. We ran as fast as we could and hopped on. Before we even got thinking about buying a ticket, the trolley driver pushes the break pedal in between two stops and the controllers step in. We had two options; either just walk up to the driver and buy a ticket or panic and pretend to be confused foreigners. Kris chose the latter options, not because we didn't want to pay, that was definitely our intention but out of pure panic. Instead of explaining the controllers in clear Estonian that we had just stepped in and were about to buy the ticket, I asked them in English; " What's going on!? I don't understand! " Tony gave a dirty look - wtf? However, he played along, you just cannot save your wife from every embarrassing moment, can you? Well, we were escorted into their vehicle to discuss it further but by that time we were already in a deep web of foreign deception. We probably would have gotten away with this but our facial expressions to the discussion between the controllers gave us away as Kris did follow their conversation the whole time.
This was our movie moment. You know the moment when things go so embarrassingly wrong that even you, as a viewer, feel embarrassed?
It ended in a fine of 30 euro's and almost got us another one of those because Kris did object loudly - in fluent Estonian.
Medieval Tallinn
The last one didn't happen to us, unfortunately. I sort of hope it did. This story must be shared!
This happened during a very upscale Christmas dinner at a Portuguese holiday destination. Our friends haven't visited too many seafood restaurants. I'm guessing this was the first one. With beautiful classical music in the background, people cheerfully enjoying their dinner it did come as a slight surprise to them when a bowl of luke warm lemon water was brought to the table shortly after they had finished their appetiser. For a while they tried to gaze around, looking for a hint on what to do with the bowl of water and slices of lemon in it yet no help was in sight. The only logical way to deal with this was a logical one. Our friend took the bowl in his hands, raised it to his mouth and took a good big sip. Who knows what kind of habits the friendly Portuguese have! He then caught a glimpse of a waiter nearby laughing and showing him to put the bowl away and waving his hands. In a split second our friend realized that you're supposed to clean your hands in this bowl, not drink it!
They all got a good laugh and our fiends were happy for professional waiters who quickly saved their faces!
No seafood was embarrassed during the writing of this article.
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